Tessa's Wound
by Theatrics-In-My-Blood
Summary: Now that Jem's died, and Will retreated deep inside herself, it's hard to know what to do. And yet, the day holds surprises even she cannot fathom. Wessa & Jessa, please R&R, I'm new to this fandom.
1. Chapter 1

It had been months. Days had come and gone in an endless cycle, escaping her notice. Nothing mattered. She didn't eat, she didn't train, didn't sleep. Even Will couldn't pull her out of herself, he was just as broken as she was. She couldn't bear for him to see her like this, when he had lost so much more. No, she despised herself for loving him still, it would be shameful to run to him now.

"Jem..." The word was like a dagger. She wondered hollowly how one word, one name, could hurt so much. Over the past weeks she had grown to resemble him towards the end. Her eyes were dull and deep in her head, her skin colourless. She had lost so much weight that even in her own clothes, she seemed to be wearing Jessamine's cast-offs.

But there was one thing, one overwhelming similarity, that joined them.

They were both lifeless.

Throwing herself down on the bed, she realised why Will drank so much. Since Jem had died he had wandered London like a ghost, drinking and losing himself in Opium dens until the sun forced him home. She understood it now. Maybe if she could dull her senses, she could dull the wrenching pain that accompanied them. Ironic, that she could transform into another person at will, yet she could not escape the demons inside her.

"Jem..." she whispered it into the empty air. "Oh god.."

A thought came to her suddenly, the shrpest she had had in months. She remembered Charlotte saying that maybe she should talk to him - just one last time - as if he was really there.. Well, it was worth a try wasn't it? Anything was better than this...

"Jem? I don't, I don't know if you can hear me.. I'd like to think you can. You used to say that no-one really died, and we are all reborn, but somehow I can't believe that. I don't think there could ever be another you, not really. What you meant to me.. Well- you know. And I just..."

She couldn't cry. Everyone else had been so strong, she couldn't let them down now. Besides, he had always been so calm in the face of his death, so brave when she and Will couldn't be.

"I guess what I mean is.. I miss the little things. I miss you playing Violin at 3AM, I miss walking in the park with you, I miss the way you smiled whenever I proved Will wrong. And it's selfish I know, but this isn't fair."

"Everyone else had time, time to get used to the idea of a world without you. Truth is, my world *was* you Jem; You were my rock. Everyone else is dealing with this like a shadowhunter... but I'm not a shadowhunter, not really. And what I miss, most of all, is how you made me feel like I was..."

She stopped, finally running out of breath. She was crying, chest heaving silently, nails slicing into her palm. That hadn't helped, not at all. She felt worse, as if her words had left a void as they tumbled out of her. They left a gaping hole in her heart.

"No, don't stop there..." said a quiet voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Tessa whirled. No.. This wasn't fair. She had been through enough, her heart had been battered to no end, and now this? How many more ways would her brain invent to torment her?

For there in front of her was Jem. Same silver eyes, same pale hands, the same adoring look in his eyes. He stood there beaming at her, as though she was the only thing tithing him here, the only thing in the world. Utterly beautiful, and utterly heartbreaking, because he could not be real..

... Could he?

"Jem..?" She whispered. Suddenly she was acutley aware of the state of her dress, her hair and face. She knew it was stupid, but she blushed, she must look hideous.

"Jem, are you.. are you really there?"

He nodded. He looked sad, incredibly sad. "Tessa... Tessa I am so sorry."

Tessa gasped. It was a pained sound, a choking noise somewhere between despair and ecstasy. Slowly, as if he might vanish, she walked towards him. They were so close now, close enough that she could reach out and brush him with her fingertips. She didn't.

"Why.. Why are you sorry?" She managed.

He smiled, and her heart squeezed painfully. If this was a dream, she really didn't want to wake up.

He still looked sad, his eyes were mournful. "Look in the mirror," he said gently.

She did as she was asked; She was confronted with a stranger. Hollow eyes, dead features, hair straggling on her shoulders. She was a shell, an empty shadow. She whimpered ever so slightly.

"I saw you, after I left." he said quietly "It was as though I was above you, watching over you. It was torture. I could see you getting weaker, giving up, and it very nearly killed me - metaphorically anyway."

He flashed a small smile, and stepped to close the gap between them. "You're ill Tessa, really ill, and you need to let yourself better. I thought perhaps." his voice cracked "Will could help you, but I was so scared... I can't let you die."

She let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding "Maybe I don't want to live in a world without you."


	3. Chapter 3

His smile was gone now, only the ghost of it remaining. "Don't say that. I need you to be strong... for me."

That was too much. Why? Why should she stay strong for him? She wanted to give up, to kick and scream and tear the world down. She didn't want to pretend she could live without him. She sagged as the fight left her. There was no denying just how empty she was.

"That's not enough, I wish it was. I can't keep living for you, not when you're the reason I'm struggling. I'm not strong enough."

He stayed silent for a long while, and Tessa took the time to look at him. He seemed healthy, really healthy, more so than she had ever seen him. He seemed to glow, filling the darkness of her with light. She felt whole again.

"Tessa" Jem was grinning his most charming grin. "Tessa, you're not listening."

"Oh." she blushed "Sorry"

"Tessa.." He reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I need something from you.."

The response was instant "Anything"

"There is someone who needs you more than I do. You and I, we will meet again, but right now they cannot live without you. I am entrusting you with their life."

"I don't understand.."

'

"Look after Will Tessa. Please. Stay strong for him." His eyes were pleading.

"But he's not you."

Jem smiled. "Perhaps not. But Will needs you, that's very me."


	4. Chapter 4

Tessa whirled. No.. This wasn't fair. She had been through enough, her heart had been battered to no end, and now this? How many more ways would her brain invent to torment her?

For there in front of her was Jem. Same silver eyes, same pale hands, the same adoring look in his eyes. He stood there beaming at her, as though she was the only thing tithing him here, the only thing in the world. Utterly beautiful, and utterly heartbreaking, because he could not be real..

... Could he?

"Jem..?" She whispered. Suddenly she was acutley aware of the state of her dress, her hair and face. She knew it was stupid, but she blushed, she must look hideous.

"Jem, are you.. are you really there?"

He nodded. He looked sad, incredibly sad. "Tessa... Tessa I am so sorry."

Tessa gasped. It was a pained sound, a choking noise somewhere between despair and ecstasy. Slowly, as if he might vanish, she walked towards him. They were so close now, close enough that she could reach out and brush him with her fingertips. She didn't.

"Why.. Why are you sorry?" She managed.

He smiled, and her heart squeezed painfully. If this was a dream, she really didn't want to wake up.

He still looked sad, his eyes were mournful. "Look in the mirror," he said gently.

She did as she was asked; She was confronted with a stranger. Hollow eyes, dead features, hair straggling on her shoulders. She was a shell, an empty shadow. She whimpered ever so slightly.

"I saw you, after I left." he said quietly "It was as though I was above you, watching over you. It was torture. I could see you getting weaker, giving up, and it very nearly killed me - metaphorically anyway."

He flashed a small smile, and stepped to close the gap between them. "You're ill Tessa, really ill, and you need to let yourself better. I thought perhaps." his voice cracked "Will could help you, but I was so scared... I can't let you die."

She let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding "Maybe I don't want to live in a world without you."


End file.
